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Post by christineg on Jan 22, 2013 7:46:07 GMT -5
I'm assuming we can talk about this here since Pearl brought up the topic of sex in the book. I have almost an identical philosophy to Pearl's in the Foxy Mama chapter. My heart is not the issue, since I worked through those issues over a decade ago. (It was with the motivation from two seminars given at our church, actually. There is a wonderful pastor's wife here in Canada, Ruth Clarence, who has written a book called, "Understanding and Meeting Your Husband's Sexual Needs" and gives seminars on the same topic. Her ministry is: clarencecounsellingcentre.com/two-gether/ in case you are interested.) Anyway, my issue is simply hormonal. I find, particularly in the first year after I have a baby, I have zero to work with in terms of hormones or whatever it is that gives out the sex drive in a woman's body (I know a lot is relational, but that part is fine). It is like being put in front of a big buffet with all your favourite foods and you are completely full already. Very frustrating. Has anyone found a supplement or natural treatment that has helped in this area? My weight is under control and our eating is on plan. I get as much sleep as possible with a new baby and a houseful of kids.
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Post by Pearl on Jan 22, 2013 9:51:21 GMT -5
Christine, that is very common for so many women since ovulation is suppressed and estrogen and testosterone ( the two strongest pro sex hormones for us women are low during this time). I always felt the same way during nursing, unfortunately for my first few children, I did not have the fuller understanding of marital intimacy that I have now so our frequency was pretty low I would have to say.
I really should get Serene to post here since she is nursing and we talk about this subject quite a bit. but she is just so busy. The question then would be does your husband still want a frequent sex life during this time? Do you think he suffers due to the decline in hormones due to your nursing or is that not an issue?
I don't know of a supplement that you could take but if nursing is causing dryness then I would recommend a vaginal estriol cream. Vitex can work to raise dopamine in some women and that can be pro sexual but I'm not sure if it would combat the lack of sex hormones. Maybe worth a try. Remember too that dopamine is the opposite sort of neurotransmitter to prolactin, which nursing elevates. So we wouldn't want vitex to suppress prolactin. It's rather complex
Are you able to still keep up some frequency ie atleast two times a week? I think many menopausal women are going through a similar state. In the end, I believe we can overcome the lack of feelings and purposely put ourselves into a sexual mindset. We don't wait for the sexual feelings to come because it is highly likely they won't while in the nursing stage or during menopause for many women.
So, once again, a decision - a practice. And if it doesn't feel as thrilling, that's okay for this time. It is still healthful for both you and your husband, it bonds and connects you, raises other needful neuro transmitters etc. There are seasons of life, once you start ovulating again, you will likely notice a higher surge of pro sexual thoughts and feelings and you will have greater appetite for that buffet you mentioned. But for now, you still have to eat whether hungry or not because it's good for you. Gotta get all the good nutrients from married sex - to continue the metaphor.
I wouldn't neccessarily feel bad that you don't feel very sexual right now. It is a season, but you can still be sexual even without a high natural drive. And that is not pretending. You obviously love your husband, I'm sure you also love being close to him and making him feel great. Those are fantastic things. He probably wants you to have a wonderful time during sex too. You could let him know, very gently without harming his masculine pride that arousal is a little harder while you are nursing but you love everything about intimacy so much, it is still so wonderful for you. That may give him some more realistic expectations if they are indeed needed.
Hope this helps in some way.
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Post by christineg on Jan 22, 2013 13:23:13 GMT -5
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Pearl. I know it is totally normal, though I'd have to say that I find it gets worse with each baby. The question then would be does your husband still want a frequent sex life during this time? Do you think he suffers due to the decline in hormones due to your nursing or is that not an issue? No problems with frequency. As I said, I worked through a lot of this stuff years ago (after child 3 -- was the same way as you for the first few kids. In ignorance, I didn't realize how important it was to my dh and our marriage, so I just let things slide. I understand now, though, so it is a priority for us. In the end, I believe we can overcome the lack of feelings and purposely put ourselves into a sexual mindset. We don't wait for the sexual feelings to come because it is highly likely they won't while in the nursing stage or during menopause for many women. Groan to hear about it being a problem during menopause, too!! I've been bfing for nearly 19 years, so menopause won't be too far off in the future. I am having trouble even getting myself into the mindset -- seems a bit worse than before to me. I think it is still within the range of normal, but a bit frustrating. I wouldn't neccessarily feel bad that you don't feel very sexual right now. It is a season, but you can still be sexual even without a high natural drive......You could let him know, very gently without harming his masculine pride that arousal is a little harder while you are nursing but you love everything about intimacy so much, it is still so wonderful for you. We have definitely talked through all of this and he is accepting of the way things are and completely understanding. I gave him the buffet of my favourite foods, but not hungry analogy. I think since I make it a priority to be with him regardless of how I feel, he is encouraging and loving about it. It is probably more of a frustration to me since it seems like it takes such extreme mental effort sometimes.
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Post by Pearl on Jan 22, 2013 13:38:23 GMT -5
Christine, during menopause bio identical hormone replacement can completely overcome lack of sex drive. Adding in testosterone can be a huge changer as I mentioned in the book. But you can't do that while you are breastfeeding. I do not see why you could not take DHEA though, that does help my sex drive. Maybe look into DHEA while nursing and see what the consensus is.
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Post by christineg on Jan 22, 2013 13:48:29 GMT -5
Thank-you! I will definitely do that. Dh suggested that maybe I should consider talking with our naturopath, so maybe I will do that and mention DHEA to her.
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Post by Pearl on Jan 22, 2013 13:50:51 GMT -5
Good idea.
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Post by kishak on Jan 24, 2013 8:13:44 GMT -5
Maca powder or the powder encapsulated helps a lot. I've seen Serene adds it to a lot of stuff, I don't like the taste so I take the capsules.
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Post by Pearl on Jan 24, 2013 14:04:29 GMT -5
Yes Maca! And I know you can take it while nursing. Good idea.
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Post by christineg on Jan 24, 2013 15:59:36 GMT -5
Awesome! I'll start adding maca to things. What is a good 'dose'?
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